The Last Time

Standard

 

He found himself at her door. Like so many times before. But he couldn’t remember how he got there. It seemed all roads lead to her.

It was a warm but cool night. He could taste its humidity on his tongue.

Had he walked? Did he drive? He couldn’t remember. Nor could he tear his eyes off of the front door to look for clues. It stood before him tall and looming. The white paint glowed in the darkness like a lantern. He couldn’t even bring himself to knock.

Would she answer if he did? She was probably in her room, all alone, asleep. She probably wouldn’t even hear him.

He whispered her name.

She could feel his call lingering like a sigh through her bones.

She could hear his heart thumping like a jack-rabbit just beyond her front door. If she laid still enough, maybe he would leave. Leave her home. Leave her memory.

“Cecilia.”

She found herself unlocking the front door like she had been in some sort of hypnotic trance.

Their eyes met.

Her heart stopped.

His heart slowed down.

It felt better just to see her face again. Calmed him. And he told her this. “I’m sorry,” he added.

He was wearing his best apology, but not even that was enough. Not after all the times she had let him in, just for him to leave. Was it worth risking another heartbreak?

He knew every promise he had made in the past, he had also broken. Anything he could have said, she would have perceived as a lie.

“Can I come in?”

She didn’t answer but positioned herself in the middle of the doorway, a hand ready to smack that front door right in his face.

“Please.”

She adverted her eyes from his. His crystal eyes always made her weak. She needed strength.

“The last time I let you in, you shattered my grandmother’s porcelain vase.” Her words weren’t grudgeful or sad. They were light and heavy all at once. Just like the night’s summer air.

“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Again, he pleaded, “Will you let me in?”

She closed her eyes. The way her long lashes fluttered over her rosemary cheeks made the flame in his chest dance. “How long has it been this time?

“Four months.”

She scoffed. “How do I know I can trust you?”

He spoke so low even he couldn’t hear himself whimper, “That’s not fair.”

“Not fair?” She laughed, but her face twisted into a knot. She laughed, but tears streamed from both of her eyes. She laughed. She sobbed. And right before him, she was breaking. There was no where for her to hide or for him. No other reasons why, just the two of them.

He broke. He was at fault, he knew. And he knew he never wanted to be the reason she didn’t smile. Be the reason she cried. “I will never hurt you again,” he swore. “I’m done with that stuff for good.”

She collapsed to her knees. Her auburn hair fell before her face like branches of a willow, shielding herself from him. This is why he was surprised when he knelt down next to her and put his arm around her, that she folded into his chest. She gripped onto his shirt with her fists and cried so hard her entire body shook against his and her throat started to become raw. With a gasp for air she said, “This is the last time I’m asking you, put my name at the top of you list.”

“Of course.”

She calmed down slightly afterwards. Tears fell silently off the point of her chin and her heart still struggled to get back to its smooth rhythmic beat. Between hiccups she repeated, “This is the last time.”

He helped her to her feet.

“This is the last time.”

He lifted her so that her head rested in the nook between his head and his shoulder.

“This is the last time.”

He carried her in.

I’ll Move On

Standard

Raining on the inside
Sunshine on the out
Gotta put a smile on
To hide the clouds
No I won’t let you see me cry
No you can’t have my heart this time.
There’s a tornado in my rib cage
Lava fills my gut
Even though it hurts to breathe
I’ll move on
No I won’t let you see me fall
No you can’t hurt me at all.
‘Cause it’s winter in my brain
But summer’s in the air
Even though it’s snowing,
Well I just don’t care
No I won’t let you see me break
No you won’t bring me down today
No you won’t bring me down today
No you won’t bring me down today.

 

Invisible (2008 Re-Write)

Standard

I actually didn’t re-write this song cause I love it so much, but I did add a verse at the very end.

Blind to the naked eye
Numb at the human touch
Silent to the human ears
Love has got me star-struck
Sometimes I can’t breathe
Because you took my breath away from me

I’m invisible to you
How can’t you see
How much I love you
To me you’re everything
I’d do anything just to make you happy

How long will I be waiting around?
How long will it take you to come on down
And tell me you love me too
Because I know you do
After all you caused: the heart-break and sorrow
I’ll still be waiting for you tomorrow

I’m invisible to you
How can’t you see
How much I love you
To me you’re everything
I’d do anything just to make you happy

How long will you keep me waiting?
It’s been an eternity
Can’t you see me in front of you screaming
Out my heart
You’re tearing me apart

I’m invisible to you
How can’t you see
How much I love you
To me you’re everything
I’d do anything just to make you happy

I’m invisible to you
Even after all this time
Seems like we will never be
But I’ll still be waiting
For you to finally see me

 

Also i decided the guitar playing was not going to work out this summer…but enjoy any way ;]

Summer, summer what to this year?

Standard

Summer, summer

Here I come

Light you up with a torch

Summer, summer

Here you are

Swinging on my back porch.

Summer, summer

Don’t you leave

I can’t take the chilly breeze.

Summer, summer

Stay forever

We don’t need that cool December.

 

Anyways now that I got that out of the way ;]. What am I going to be up to? Not much ;\ but I am working on a few songs I wrote the summer before my sophomore year of HS. I plan to re-write them and play them on my guitar…? What? Yes. Maybe. It’s been awhile so we’ll see. Other than that I have been nominated for another blog award! More about that coming soon ;] promise! And that’s all for now folks, see ya on the bloggin’ streets.

Ice Queen

Standard

You’re right

I’m cold

I have a heart made of stone

So why is it that you love me?

So why is it that you stay?

Is it because you think you can melt the ice away?

Well you can’t

I’ve built up a wall

So tall

That you can’t even see

The other side where it’s me:

The Ice Queen.

Where I don’t feel pain

Where my heart is heavy on my tongue

My mouth- sewn shut

My lungs are filled with frost

But I don’t feel a thing

Because my whole body is numbing

If you think you can warm me

You’re wrong

Even if you climb over the wall

I’m gone

Sure I might be there physically

But me, the real me, was never inside my body

I am winter

I am cold

I am ice

I am frozen

Summer won’t thaw me

Spring won’t warm me

Fire won’t melt me

Heat won’t heal me,

And you?

You can’t save me.