A New Way To Keep My Sanity

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I hadn’t read a book in so long I forgot why I love reading them (and just as importantly, writing them!). It’s about losing yourself in another world, a different time, someone else’s inside, messed-up life. It’s about leaping into the rabbit hole.

My reading cycle slowly began to sputter back to life over the Christmas Holiday when I picked up David Levithan’s Every Day. The book called to me from the display of a second floor Barnes & Noble. It was a gravitational pull that lead me to “What Teens Are Reading”. There was something about this paperback. The pale yellow cover or the lettering. All I knew is I had to have it. Like a sponge; I soaked half of this book up in a comfy oversized arm chair in the lounge part of the Pittsford Barnes & Noble. The mere idea of this character- someone who woke up in a new body everyday, was interesting, but it was the objective thoughts on racism, genderism, and love that had me so intrigued. The was a subtle message that was so well placed, so well said, I finished the book in awe. It was a moment where you step back, begin a slow-clap, and tip your hat saying, “Well done.”

Since that book I had been hungry for something more. Some other book to blow my mind.

While I have a few in progress, I really hadn’t found the one that would kick-start my book frenzy. Until, of course, Splinter.

Again, I’m at Barnes & Nobles, wandering through the Teen section when it catches my eye. The glowing green vines that frame the cover, blond hair shaping her small face as her big blue eye makes contact with mine.

I’ve seen this cover before.

I pick up the book and as I suspect, I had seen it on Nathalia Sullen’s website when I was checking her out as a potential cover designer for What It Took To Realize & Voodoo. This was one of the covers that made me send that initial email.

I buy it. The second one too.

And finally, I have found the book I’ve been looking for. The one to ignite that little flame in the back of my brain that flickers as it chants: Must read. Must read.

Then it all clicks. Reading. The solution to my pressing anxiety and headaches of frustration and unhappiness that cloak me at work. Read.

Now, when I tell you I have books spread out everywhere, I do mean everywhere. From Real Mermaids Don’t Wear Toe Rings in the bathroom (you know… for bathroom-ly things…), to A Blue So Dark in the livingroom, Splintered at the bedside, and Coyote Blue by the hilarious Christopher Moore propped open next to my computer at work for some sly entertainment.

Maybe books are consuming my life… Or maybe they’re just the thing I need right now to keep my sanity through my own rollercoaster.

Rabbit Hole

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There’s a humming in my brain
A pounding in my chest
A ringing in my ear
From the voice that knows me best

And your eyes
Pull me into my demise.

Like glowing embers they burn
Around the center of gravity
Your black hole it pulls
Me into insanity
Here I go
Down the rabbit hole

There’s a scream inside my soul
A tie on my tongue
Heat rises in my bones
An alarm goes off in my lungs

And your eyes
Pull me into my demise

Like glowing embers they burn
Around the center of gravity
Your black hole it pulls
Me into insanity
Here I go
Down the rabbit hole

Can I be saved?
Can I escape?
From which vile should I drink?
Fill the glass to the brink
Will I ever wake from this dream?
Your illusions are so cunning

And your eyes
Pull me into my demise

Like glowing embers they burn
Around the center of gravity
Your black hole it pulls
Me into insanity
Here I go
Down the rabbit hole

Like a Violin

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My heart is strumming in your hand
You play it like a violin
You’ve got my soul in your grips
Going to keep me hanging on your starship

Reach into the galaxy
Pull out a star for me
Burning in my chest
Where my love once rest.

You’ve got me under your spell
You play the craft so well
Hey there music man
Can you lead me out of this wonderland?

Down the rabbit hole
Bring me some tea
Go in for the gold
You’ve kept me empty

You play your harmony
Using my melody
As you pluck at the strings
My lungs are humming
I feel the music lulling me to sleep.

Reach into the sea
Play that harp for me
Once upon a time
Do I get a happy ending?

My life strums in your hand
You play my heart like a violin
I’m just a puppet to you now
Dancing on stage for your audience.

These are actually song lyrics believe it or not inspired by the music on Ermilia’s Listen & Write <——check it out!! Oddly after inspiring this writing, the lyrics don’t quite fit with the music :[ Oh well!