What It Took To Realize- Chapter Three

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“What?” I cried.

“New York City! For the weekend! Aren’t you excited?” She began to bounce up and down.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve got a few jobs there this weekend, and there’s this big party tomorrow night…” She slowly trailed off.

I shook my head. “Tupaia,” I whined. “You know I don’t do parties. The last time I went, everyone laughed at me.” The thought of it pushed tears up through the back of my eyes. I couldn’t dance, and when I tried I hit someone in the face. Everyone stared at me, leering, laughing, and pointing. As if that wasn’t enough, they started making fun of the way I looked, the way I was dressed. My ribs began to suffocate my heart, which began to beat wildly trying to escape like a caged bird.

She jumped over my luggage and wrapped her arms around me. “I know, but it’ll be different this time. You don’t have to dance, and it’s a masquerade ball! Masks; no one will even know it’s you!”

Doubt gripped my throat. I continued to shake my head.

“I promise you, it won’t be like last time.” Her sapphire eyes pleaded with me. They were soft, childish, and naive; even though Tupaia was older than a few eras.

I nodded.

She squealed, jumping with me still wrapped in her arms.

This is going to be a disaster.

 

*

We arrived in New York City around noon the next day. As soon as we arrived in the “Big Apple” we dumped our luggage in our hotel suite. The suite was four rooms big and lavished in all shades pink. Light screens hung at the windows which presented us with a front-row view to time square. The streets were busy with buses and taxis. With people on foot or bikes. The buildings reached endlessly at the sky where music videos and ads played on them. The bedrooms were just as big and elegant as the rest of the suite. My bed was all round and covered in equally circular, silky blankets and pillows.

After ditching our luggage we fled to get ready for the ball. Tupaia wore a long elegant sapphire gown that complimented her soft defined curves and matched her eyes. Her wavy brown hair was wrapped up in a bun, and she wore a peacock feathered mask upon her face. She was stunning, as usual.

Tupaia had “her people” dress me in an emerald mermaid dress with a blue sequined mask that almost looked like scales, and my red hair flowed down my back. They all gasped, exclaiming, “She looks like Ariel!”

I grimaced. I was always jealous of Ariel; she had a father, loving sisters, and married her prince charming. She was beautiful and everyone loved her. She was everything I wished I could be.

Tupaia grabbed my hand, “You look like a model.”

I snorted.

*

As soon as we entered the facility where the party was being held, Tupaia went on her way to make a good impression with various modeling agencies and photographers. I went to the back of the club, where I sat alone for most of the night. The club was dark and gray. People were scattered everywhere dancing with strangers, mingling by the bar with blue lights and drinks in their hands. I was out of place.

I was surprised when the song, “Voodoo” blared through the speakers since I hadn’t heard it until a few days ago. But that was not the weirdest part of the night. No, the unusual thing was after the song had just ended, when a hand was held out in front of me. “Dance with me.” I looked up at a boy dressed all in black, with a black hat which covered his hair and a black mask covering most of his face, but his sunray eyes, curvy mouth, and soft chin.

I looked around for someone else that he could be talking to.

“Please.”

I looked up into his golden eyes, and for some reason I could not say no. I took his hand in mine and let him lead me out into the middle of the dance floor. “Resistance” by Muse began to pound through the speakers. He pulled me close against his soft chest. “Follow my lead,” he whispered into my ear. His voice was a little higher pitched than I imagined, but still comforting somehow. My heart threatened to break through my chest as he began to glide us across the dance floor. The lead singer’s voice sang into my ear “Is our secret safe tonight and are we out of sight?” The tempo began to pick up, as he twirled me around, and around. Everything became blurry, but his golden eyes that my gaze had become fixed on.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathed into my mouth.

I lost my breath. As the words, “Love is our resistance. They’ll keep us apart and they won’t to stop breaking us down. Hold me, our lips must always be sealed,” poured from the speakers our lips began to draw close to each other, like negative and positive attraction between magnets. When our lips were practically grazing, he drew away to lift me above him, and spin me in the air. He slowly brought me down as the song drew to an end and another song began. Our eyes were locked into one another’s, and for that moment, the world had faded away.

I heard the light sound of someone clapping, and I was pulled out of the spell I was under. I looked around to see that people had gathered and began to clap. They smiled and pointed, whispering to their friends. I fell back through memories, and all of a sudden I was at my last party, where everyone was laughing at me. I had to get away.

I pushed past the mystery boy’s shoulder, a wave of his vanilla scent followed after me along with his cry, “Wait!”

I sprinted through the doors and into the brisk NYC’s February air. The sidewalks were lined with slush, and the roads were busy with taxis, but I didn’t care as I ran across the streets, through the slush, while cars honked at me. I could hear his voice distantly crying, “Where are you going?”

I didn’t, I couldn’t stop until I was in my hotel suite. I flung myself onto the king’s size bed and cried myself to sleep.

*

In the morning, I woke to Tupaia sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking my hair. “I heard about what happened last night,” she said. “Everyone thought you and that boy were fantastic!”

I buried my face into the silky pillow.

“So why’d you run out?”

A tear burned its way through my right eye. “They were all lookin’ at me…”

“They thought you were amazing, Morgan!” She exclaimed.

I tore my face from the pillow, and looked up at her. Her hair fell over her shoulders like a waterfall, and in her silver silk pajamas, she looked like a goddess. “There was somethin’ about him,” I told her, “that made me forget everyone was there.”

She smiled, and her eyes grew distant. “I’ve felt like that before.” I wondered when. Tupaia hardly ever talked about what her life was like before she took me in. “It must be love,” she said at last.

I fell into the pillow. Love? With a guy I don’t know? I didn’t even know his name, how could I love him? And what about Leroy? I stared at Tupaia contemplating how it would be possible to love someone you only met once. “I’ll probably never see him again,” I sighed.

Tupaia laid down next to me, and held me in her arms like she use to do when I was young. “You never know. Things have a funny way of working themselves out.”

*

I bummed around the suite watching re-runs of H2O, my favorite TV show, while Tupaia went to her modeling jobs. I watched, for about the millionth time as three girls, unlikely to become so close, had no choice after they are transformed into mermaids with powers over water. I fantasized that I was one of those girls, instead of who I was. I didn’t even have powers.

I imagined how great it would be if my life were like the TV show. Being surrounded by friends who knew and accepted my secret, being able to lean on them when things were tough… Would I ever gain friends like that? I wondered. Doubtful.

That afternoon I drove the thirteen and a half hour drive back to Folly alone. Tupaia had scored more modeling jobs in the city from the ball Saturday night, so I decided to go home on my own to get ready for school the next day. The white lines on the thru-way melted away. All I could see was the mystery boy’s golden eyes. The whole way home, I smelled vanilla. I’ll never see him again.

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What it Took to Realize & Voodoo Update

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THUMBNAIL_IMAGE

As of just this morning What it Took to Realize/ Voodoo is now available on Amazon for $16.99 in paperback and $3.99 for Kindle.

The book is also available on CreateSpace.

Inspired by Alexz Johnson and her song Voodoo.

What It Took To Realize
Morgan never really fit in at school. Besides her abnormalities due to the fact that she was half-human half-mermaid, she was the school’s biggest outcast. Her number one tormenter being the head cheerleader and a pixie. Other than being a mermaid who lives with her water-nymph guardian and trying to keep it a secret in a school of mortals and mythical creatures, she lead a pretty uneventful life. That is until Leroy, the school’s hot new quarterback and vampire, asks her out on a date. Suddenly life is becoming more complicated and all the new events in her life raise up old questions like: Who are her parents? Where did she really come from? What’s up with the nightmares? And why is the new girl, Emmaline, being so friendly?

Voodoo
She is immediately drawn to Morgan the moment she sees her reflection in the review mirror of her Volkswagen Beetle. “Voodoo” by Alexz Johnson was playing over her radio, and if not for Ginger’s whining, it would have been a movie-made moment. Emmaline doesn’t think much of it the first time “Voodoo” begins to take control of her stereo, but when she begins to hear the song every time Morgan is around, she knows it’s no mistake. Pretty soon she learns her and Morgan are destined; that she is destined to save Morgan, but how or from what she has no idea. How is she going to save Morgan if she doesn’t know what she’s up against? As she gets closer to Morgan will she be able to control the desires to be with her?

Raining Hearts

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Oh, how the years have flown by
How many things have changed with time
But certain things remain the same
My love for you has never changed.
Yeah I’ve lived and seen enough
To know I can’t escape this love
‘Cause it seems like no matter where I ran
You were like a ghost, always hauntin’

{chorus}
Now it’s raining hearts
And I watch as they crash on the sidewalk
Stepping through puddles of blood
I reach to the sky for love

How naive we used to be
Who am I kidding?
Look at how naive we are
Guarding our hearts
Like they won’t get bruised
But that’s no excuse
To hide what I feel
You feel it too
So just pull back the peel
And admit the truth

deviantart.net

{chorus}
Now it’s raining hearts
And I watch as they crash on the sidewalk
Stepping through puddles of blood
I reach to the sky for love

I reach in your chest
Will you let me take the rest
Of this beating organ
If it’s broken
I can help you heal
If you let me
You don’t have to deal
Alone…

{chorus}
Now it’s raining hearts
And I watch as they crash on the sidewalk
Stepping through puddles of blood
I reach to the sky for love

It’s raining hearts
The clouds swell as the storm rages on
I throw my head towards the sun
As the rain falls down with love

 

Another very old song, I’m surprised I never published. It’s one of my favorites. A friend of mine was going to rap the verses as I sang the chorus ^-^

The Awakening

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I was blind, stuck deep inside this cage where I confide
Overlooked, never took a second to open my eyes
But you were here, I felt your warmth, just could not tell
That you were the one I sought, so I fell deeper still.

I was stuck in a dark place, you brought me out of the maze

Your hazel eyes, take me to the lush forest of your soul
When I’m kissing you, I can taste the sweet spring on your tongue.
You’re skin’s on mine and your heat is turning me on
We’re so close we are one, but we’re not close enough
And now I can’t breathe it’s like I’ve been drowning in my sleep
This is my awakening.

Acting shy, but I was high on happiness
Held a cry, as our lips collide, it was our first kiss.
With a sigh, we said goodbye, I watched you drive away
Try not to choke on the three words I did not say

I was lost in space, you were the shooting star guiding my way

Your hazel eyes, take me to the lush forest of your soul
When I’m kissing you, I can taste the sweet spring on your tongue.
You’re skin’s on mine and your heat is turning me on
We’re so close we are one, but we’re not close enough
And now I can’t breathe it’s like I’ve been drowning in my sleep
This is my awakening.

I didn’t think I could let anyone else in
Not when there was so much to explain
But when you take my hand you melt all the worries away
Even when you’re gone you’re the one I taste.

I was lost at sea, you came sailing after me

Your hazel eyes, take me to the lush forest of your soul
When I’m kissing you, I can taste the sweet spring on your tongue.
You’re skin’s on mine and your heat is turning me on
We’re so close we are one, but we’re not close enough
And now I can’t breathe it’s like I’ve been drowning in my sleep
This is my awakening.

 

 

 

Rust Away

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I used to think sadness was love
That needing someone was the same as longing for their touch
I used to think I would never be good enough
For anyone because no one could make the sacrifices I was

Stuck outside, ready to rust away
When you came by, sheltered me from the rain
You looked in my eyes and said it would be okay.
And for the first time, I wasn’t worried.Rust Away

I used to believe pain was happiness
Because feeling anything was better than the emptiness
I used to believe I was destined for loneliness
Because no one would let me inside of them

I was stuck outside, ready to rust away
When you came by, sheltered me from
the rain
You looked in my eyes and said it would be okay.
And for the first time, I wasn’t afraid.

For the first time, I’m not alone.
For the first time, I have hope.
For the first time…
For the very first time…

I was stuck outside, ready to rust away
When you came by, sheltered me from the rain
You looked in my eyes and said it would be okay.

It had been all night, was sure I’d rust red
When you brought your light, taught me to shine instead
You took my heart inside of your hand
And for the first time I know what happiness is.

The Last Time

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He found himself at her door. Like so many times before. But he couldn’t remember how he got there. It seemed all roads lead to her.

It was a warm but cool night. He could taste its humidity on his tongue.

Had he walked? Did he drive? He couldn’t remember. Nor could he tear his eyes off of the front door to look for clues. It stood before him tall and looming. The white paint glowed in the darkness like a lantern. He couldn’t even bring himself to knock.

Would she answer if he did? She was probably in her room, all alone, asleep. She probably wouldn’t even hear him.

He whispered her name.

She could feel his call lingering like a sigh through her bones.

She could hear his heart thumping like a jack-rabbit just beyond her front door. If she laid still enough, maybe he would leave. Leave her home. Leave her memory.

“Cecilia.”

She found herself unlocking the front door like she had been in some sort of hypnotic trance.

Their eyes met.

Her heart stopped.

His heart slowed down.

It felt better just to see her face again. Calmed him. And he told her this. “I’m sorry,” he added.

He was wearing his best apology, but not even that was enough. Not after all the times she had let him in, just for him to leave. Was it worth risking another heartbreak?

He knew every promise he had made in the past, he had also broken. Anything he could have said, she would have perceived as a lie.

“Can I come in?”

She didn’t answer but positioned herself in the middle of the doorway, a hand ready to smack that front door right in his face.

“Please.”

She adverted her eyes from his. His crystal eyes always made her weak. She needed strength.

“The last time I let you in, you shattered my grandmother’s porcelain vase.” Her words weren’t grudgeful or sad. They were light and heavy all at once. Just like the night’s summer air.

“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Again, he pleaded, “Will you let me in?”

She closed her eyes. The way her long lashes fluttered over her rosemary cheeks made the flame in his chest dance. “How long has it been this time?

“Four months.”

She scoffed. “How do I know I can trust you?”

He spoke so low even he couldn’t hear himself whimper, “That’s not fair.”

“Not fair?” She laughed, but her face twisted into a knot. She laughed, but tears streamed from both of her eyes. She laughed. She sobbed. And right before him, she was breaking. There was no where for her to hide or for him. No other reasons why, just the two of them.

He broke. He was at fault, he knew. And he knew he never wanted to be the reason she didn’t smile. Be the reason she cried. “I will never hurt you again,” he swore. “I’m done with that stuff for good.”

She collapsed to her knees. Her auburn hair fell before her face like branches of a willow, shielding herself from him. This is why he was surprised when he knelt down next to her and put his arm around her, that she folded into his chest. She gripped onto his shirt with her fists and cried so hard her entire body shook against his and her throat started to become raw. With a gasp for air she said, “This is the last time I’m asking you, put my name at the top of you list.”

“Of course.”

She calmed down slightly afterwards. Tears fell silently off the point of her chin and her heart still struggled to get back to its smooth rhythmic beat. Between hiccups she repeated, “This is the last time.”

He helped her to her feet.

“This is the last time.”

He lifted her so that her head rested in the nook between his head and his shoulder.

“This is the last time.”

He carried her in.

Spark

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It’s like my first winter
I’m happy and carefree
No one can bring me down
Because you keep me smiling
Just the thought of you
I am see-through

I think I like you
Not used to feeling the way I do
I think I like you
The sky has never been so blue before
I was walking in the dark
but not anymore.

No one understands me
Except when you’re around
It can’t be that crazy
How everything makes sense now
I know you feel it too
You are see-through

I think I like you
Not used to feeling the way I do
I think I like you
The sky has never been so blue before
I was walking in the dark

You were the fire to my spark
You brought my out with one simple remark

You said:
I kinda like you
No one makes me smile the way you do
I kinda like you
I am happier than I have ever been before
I was walking in the dark

But not anymore.

spark

Firefly

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I was realizing today that it has been 4 months since I have been out of the dark tunnel and into the light. I thought it was about time I shared that journey, into the right kind of love, with everyone.

I am going crazyFirefly
Somebody please save me from myself
I don’t want to make the same mistakes
I want to get it right
This time.
Because you deserve better than the hurt I bring
I want to keep you smiling
Maybe it’s best you stay away from me
But that’s not what my heart is asking.
Yeah, baby I am bad news
But I guess the choice is up to you…
Oh no, I am drowning
Somebody please save me from myself.
I know I am all screwed up
I don’t want to get you caught
In my mess
It’s either you set me free
Or get locked in this cage with me
Is it really worth the chance?
Because you deserve better than the hurt I bring
I want to keep you smiling
Maybe it’s best you stay away from me
But that’s not what my heart is asking.
Yeah, baby I am bad news
But I guess the choice is up to you…
I am going crazy
Are you going to be the one to save me?
Are you the lantern glowing in the dark night?
A firefly?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was their response:

Follow me here, there’s no need to fear
I’ll guide you through the night
And when your hope is low, don’t let it show
It’s just one small moment in time
Let that moment end tonight
I’ll be your firefly
Together we can burn bright.

Runaway Train

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The first in a series of short stories inspired by Songs.

Pressing the dials on the payphone, I called her up in the middle of the night.

All was dark and quiet. I felt like a firefly without a light. She was a blowtorch always calling me to her side.

She picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Where are you? I didn’t even hear you leave…”

“I’ve just, I’m so tired I can’t even sleep. There’s so many things…” So many things I couldn’t say. I promised myself I wouldn’t weep, yet here I was crying into the receiver. Just another promise for me to break.

“What is it?”

I looked out into the silent night. Mindlessly, I fiddled with the ticket in my hand. Bending the corner in ever so slightly. It was paper-thin, and weightless, I knew. But somehow it weighed at least ten pounds in my hand. I struggled to keep ahold of it.

What was I going to say to her? What could I say? There was no one who could help me now, not even her or her sweet voice. “I’m just in too deep,” I muttered into the phone.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice was beginning to become shrill and break. Even then it was soft and smooth. A little quieter she asked, “What did you do?”

Thunder shook the black night. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Then, before she could say another word, I began. “Remember when we went to the lake? You wore that teal sequined dress and waded into the water with it still on…”

“It still smells like dirty lake water.”

I smiled. Remembering that moment always made me smile. How she ran full force into the soul-chilling, bone-freezing water. Pausing only to turn back at me, her black-blue hair slapping her in the face, to smile. I wondered if I would still remember. Remember how to smile where I was going.

How did things end up this way? I wondered. So jaded.

Thunder roared overhead and the clouds rumbled as they burst into droplet s of rain. Small and soft at first. Then they began to fall down harder and faster.

“What is this all about?”

Her question echoed in my mind. The ticket grew heavier in my grip. I was going somewhere no one else could and now I knew something no one else did. Nothing was right any more. Not cut or dried, day or night, earth or sky; none of it seemed real.

What was real was I was leaving. I couldn’t say why. I couldn’t begin to explain where.

A horn broke through the sound of rain colliding with the solid ground.

Where no one else had been. That’s where I’d be. I laughed. Laughed at the irony. The ridiculousness. I laughed at the misery. The pain. I laughed. I laughed. I laughed at the rain.

“Is this a joke?”

The horn was louder now.

The train pulled up to the station, tearing up the tracks.

“I have to go now. I’m not coming back.”

“What? Where are you going?”

I could hear the sob caught in her throat. See the tears running down her rose-petal cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” I hung up the phone.

I handed my one-way ticket to the man. I would never return. Where I was going I would never exist again. Not here. Not there. Not without her.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

I could only nod.

The train started back up. I could feel it vibrate through my veins.

I didn’t know where I would go or what I would become.

But the light of his halo calmed my thoughts as I rode the train home.

 

Everything

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Also close to the rainy season, 40 degrees and...

It’s a new day
You’re still you
And you’re still a mystery to me
I can’t read into you.

It’s a new day
It’s the same me
But I’m feeling a bit differently
I’m wondering, I’m doubting
How you feel about me…

It’s the twinkle in your eyes
The way your heart races against mine
The fire burning inside of you…
You’re the sunshine in a black sky
The air I need to breathe or I die
You’re the water I drink
You’re everything I need…
So what am I to you?

It’s still the same kiss
Still the same hug
The electricity is not gone
And I ravish in your warmth.

It’s still the same love
And it’s growing
But I don’t know if you feel what I’m feeling
But it’s so amazing…
Then I, I wonder, what am I to you?

It’s the twinkle in your eyes
The way your heart races against mine
The fire burning inside of you…
You’re the sunshine in a black sky
The air I need to breathe or I die
You’re the water I drink
You’re everything I need…
So what am I to you?

Am I the color blue in your sky
The medicine you take?
Do I make you feel alive
Or am I just another mistake?

It’s the way you smile at me
The sound of you breath when you’re falling asleep
It’s the way you shine…
You’re a midnight sunrise
The unpredictable tide
You’re the rain pouring down on me
You’re everything I need.

So what am I to you?
What am I to you?
What am I to you?
What am I to you?

It’s the twinkle in you eyes
You’re the sun in a black sky
It’s the fire burning inside of you…
You’re the air I breathe or I die
The way you’re heart races against mine
You’re the water I drink
You’re everything to me.