Still Alive


You had to be kidding me! The way she went on and on about him even though she knew. She knew that I still loved him.

The envy burned a hole in my gut at the realization he liked her better than me. To him I was only a toy. Someone he could manipulate and play with only to discard once he had his fix. Even when I had seen him earlier he could only talk about her. How much he liked her. Asking if she had said anything about him. About them. Like they were a couple already! I so badly wanted to vomit at his feet. Instead, I looked up into his icy blue eyes, oh how they had once made my heart melt, and said, “I am so happy for you. No really. I am so glad you found someone just like you.” Only I could taste the tangy, sour venom on my tongue, for he only sighed with relief.

I looked back at her, her childish face bubbling with excitement. I knew he wouldn’t break her heart. Not the way he had mine when he tore it to pieces and fed it to the flames like wood pulp. Well, maybe not on his own. I took a hold of her arm and she beamed down at me unknowingly. I told her all about the talk him and I had, exaggerating only where necessary, and maybe adding in a few white lies. After telling her all about how he had come on to me, kissing me, even though he said he wanted to be with her, she went rigid. I watched as her shoulders sagged and her entire face went dark. Her mouth askew with the thought while her wide eyes stared out into open space. Eventually she let herself crumble. Each tear snaking down her cheek was a droplet of triumph. Suppressing the urge to smile, I wrapped her into the safe haven of my arms. I cooed into her ear while smoothing down strands of her red hair. “He is so dead to me,” she gurgled through sobs.

“It’s OK. We’re alive.”

I’m alive.

Another concoction of listen & write (Portal~Still Alive) apparently from a video game as my fiance informed me ;p I had fun writing a little more devious piece considering I would never be able to be that mean to someone. The guilt would probably eat me alive. But it did come from a little bit of personal experience, just with a twist ;]

In This Cup of Black Tea


In this cup of black tea

I imagine that you forgave me.

I dream you never moved away

That you were here to see the days

The days your predictions came true

The days I really needed you.

In this cup of black tea

I’m there for you

When you feel blue

We create a friendship

That is perfect.

In this cup of black tea

I forgive you and you forgive me.